My Battle Against Racial Preference

​Everyone is so different for their special reasons, which is one of the most beautiful things about people.

I strongly believe that the ability to embrace our differences and respectfully share our opinions, beliefs, and desires is one of the most important things we can do.

Of course, there will always be times when those things may clash with our own and we will prefer our ideas over others, which is okay. Preferences are normal and harmless. Something you like, other people may not. They can be applied to almost anything.

I’ve found that I get along best with those who prefer the same types of interests that I do and that it makes for a much more meaningful and interesting conversation.

However, I do believe that there are certain topics that we often claim to prefer when we shouldn’t.

One of the greatest examples is race

This can be applied to dating and even friendships. I’ve found that race can be a leading factor in people's decisions about their social dynamics. Others may disregard someone because their race doesn’t fit the “preference.”

I do think that there are other things to consider like dynamics growing up and what people are used to. If you grew up in a predominantly white area, your friends may all be white. That doesn’t necessarily mean you purposefully exclude other races; it just means that those people are who you were commonly surrounded by and you may naturally cling to groups similar.

Even considering that, from my personal experience, I find that racial preferences can be very damaging to the excluded person.

Growing up I was surrounded by mostly white people. Up until high school, I was mostly friends with white people and all of my family is white. I didn’t really know any different, but the people who I thought were my friends did. They would constantly signal out the differences between us in a way that made me feel like they would prefer if I were more like them. In metaphor, I felt like I was a food they were trying to convince themselves that they liked, even though they didn’t.

It also didn’t help that the boys at my school were very verbal. In one instance, a boy, unprovoked, told me that I was too dark for any guy to ever like and that I would probably never be an option for most people.

I think that interaction is funny because I did not ask him, nor stated my interest, but for some reason, he felt obligated to let me know. I laugh now, but at the time it was very hurtful to my self-worth and the way I thought others viewed me.

In a way, he wasn’t wrong. That instance lit the idea to me that no matter what I did or who I was, my race would never be the one that was preferred. Admittedly, the thought that no one would ever love me because of my race was a continuous thought in my head.

It made me second guess myself a lot and prevented me from a lot of “normal teenage experiences” growing up.

I have overheard many conversations of people discussing the races that they would consider dating. As I said before, I do think that there are subconscious parts of our “racial preferences” that we can’t control, but the intentional parts are not preferences and usually carry underlying stereotypes that we have applied to people before we have even given them a chance.

At times I have asked myself if I am alone in this thought process that racial preferences are bad, and we should challenge the norms we are used to. I think being open-minded and considerate provides us with more possibilities, but I know it can be a very divided topic, especially since we all come from different social dynamics.

I do think I am overcoming the idea in my head that my race is a defining factor in my relationships, but I would be lying if I said it does not currently exist.

If I do like someone who is a different race than me, the first thought in my head is usually “Do they have a racial preference?”. I know this is a damaging thought, but it isn’t something I project onto people. I do realize the possibility, but I also recognize that the idea comes from me and my past and initially has nothing to do with them.

I think this has affected my personal dating life because I sometimes feel as though I will I never fit the standards (or preferences) that someone may desire. However, I am grateful to have grown, even if it is in the slightest, away from this way of thinking as I’ve gotten older. I don’t think it will disappear anytime soon, but I also know that you cannot control others’ thoughts or actions.

Regardless, I will always stand by my stance that our preferences should not be applied to people and that we should live our lives with openness to all possibilities and welcome our differences.